Self harm

I was twelve the first time I hurt myself. It was scratching my legs up with a coat hanger. It gradually progressed from coat hangers to safety pins, thumbtacks, knives, and (eventually) the razorblade.

I'm Bipolar and when I get in one of my depressive bouts, self harm always accompanies it. But it's changed. Before it was a way to focus on a type of pain. Now it's a way to keep me from killing myself.

I have racing thoughts and when they get out of hand, cutting is the only way I know of to get them to turn off. If they don't turn off, something worse happens.

I don't think it will ever stop (for me), to be completely honest. I'm always going to be Bipolar, so cutting will probably always accompany my depressive states.

And, of course, I'll always have those ugly scars.

i've cut my eyelashes since i was about eleven.
i've burnt myself, and cut myself on hips, wrists and thighs.
i used to pick at my scalp.
biting my lip's fairly normal for me, and the skin on the inside of my mouth.
biting my skin as well.
i've been inventive.

edit

I used to self harm.
Safety pins, broken bits of plastic, my nails.
Hot showers, cold showers, cutting my hair, I also have two scars on each hand from where I scratched so hard until it bled.
I don't harm any more, atleast not intentionally.

I'm getting better, I'm happy with my life, the way I look and think and feel, and I put alot of it down to the determination and love from Emma. I know, its corny, but having her to support me and make me feel better about myself constantly made me believe it.
And I truly believe it.
and I believe I am better than that.

The scars still remain, but the pain and anger doesn't.

I think substance abuse is just as bad as physically harming yourself.
Drugs, alcohol, etc etc.
It's still destructive behaviour.

Different things trigger different types of want for pain - whether its a bad mark on a test, or an arguement with parents, I've always felt the need to "punish" myself.
Sometimes I'd do it just for the hell of it, and as bad as that sounds, I just wanted the scars, I wanted the reminders.

i used to do it because i wanted the reminders of how i felt.
it felt like that was how i should represent those years of pent up anger and emotions.

Certain songs remind me of certain feelings that I had around the time harming was prominent in my life, so I just cant listne to them without the urge to hack myself to bits.

les amoureux. wrote:Certain songs remind me of certain feelings that I had around the time harming was prominent in my life, so I just cant listne to them without the urge to hack myself to bits.

motion city soundtrack reminds me of trying to get myself better and failing, therefore slicing myself to pieces.
practice makes perfect and vegas skies remind me of having to walk into A & E.

I can't listen to MCR anymore.
Well, hardly, Bullets particularly.
The feeling that the songs fill me with is just... not positive.
It's horrible.

Telling my mum about my self harm was the hardest thing I have ever had to do.

i've never told mum about my self harm.

even when i was in hospital, she thought they were rabbit scratches.

friends know, my ex counsellor and the psychiatric team at the hospital.


it's just easier.

I actually reached to the point where I planned to cut twice a day for fun. I just didn't know, I was like confused and tired. I had a worse writer's block than now, and I was frustrated with my grades too. I cut like 7 times last month.

Now, I'm recovering. Luckily the cuts are mostly on my thighs and arms. Not really on the visible parts. I'm kind of glad that I'm over it.

I think its increasingly popular with the more middle and upper social classes, I know of a few people who self harm in one form or another and they aren't who you'd expect.
Me for one.